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How To Find A Dominatrix Online

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Can Online BDSM Training Work? - By lunaKM

The world of online Dominance and submission is riddled with skepticism and disbelief that anyone can really live and enjoy a relationship online. The fact of it all is that there are an endless numbers of people experiencing a form of D/s called cyber D/s. Whether it be because they can not live it in real time due to partners that don’t understand, or they are exploring their sexuality safely a cyber relationship with a D/s feel is developed.

With being a cyber submissive comes online training. When I was an online submissive it was facilitated with a web cam and microphone for conversation and a long list of chat rooms that I would frequent. In these rooms I would participate in ritualized role play from serving drinks from an imaginary and well stocked bar to pole-dancing and playing in a fully stocked dungeon. Anything I wanted ‘experience’ was available to me.

But that wasn’t my main goal. I wanted a taste for what being a submissive was like. I longed for rules, and things to do that would keep me on task and I was even curious about discipline. I had an online Dominant that structured rules for me and set up daily tasks I had to do. At first they were mostly sexual in nature and I didn’t have a problem with that. Then they branched into maintaining my home, setting up a journal, emailing them everyday. My current Master and I started out online due to the distance between us. He set up personal grooming rules that I keep to this day.

The Dominant I was with in the beginning had me reading and studying a lot of different websites about different D/s and BDSM things. I was then to report back to him with what I learned as well as questions I had for him to answer. It was a great experience that he was so invested in my learning. While he wasn’t much for rules, he was a great mentor that I am very thankful for having in my life at one point.

The only way that training will work for a submissive is only if they do it. You have to hold a lot to the honor system. So it’s safe to assume that some people just pretend they did it and those people really aren’t in it like I was. There are submissives that will obey you and do all you request of them without needing proof that it was accomplished. For me, online D/s was the starting point for my learning.

Yes, online training can work if you both are honest with each other and trust that you will only get out of it what you put in. It goes without saying that the submissive who pretends to follow the rules will not get as much out of it and may hop from one online Dom to another while those that learn and grow honestly will develop deeper relationships and learning. Maybe one day moving to real time submission.

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Financial Domination
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Addicted to Financial Domination?
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Humiliation.....whould you like some?

Verbal humiliation
Animal play—describing the submissive as a pet, dog, girl, or bitch; making the submissive eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
Verbal belittlement, with such words as slave, boy, girl, missy, and pet.
Insults and verbal abuse, such as fat, ugly, stupid, and worthless.
Degrading names, such as slut, shit, bitch, and whore.
Racial and ethnic slurs.
Slighting of body parts and behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia (including size), buttocks, and slighting of such mannerisms as walking, responsiveness, and standard of self-care.
Requirement to ask permission for everyday activities, such as going to the toilet, spending money, and eating.
Small-breasts humiliation, in which scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the woman's breasts or her inability to please a lover, and her breasts become objects of derision.
Small-penis humiliation, in which scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the man's genitals or his inability to please a lover, and his penis becomes an object of derision.
Forced repetition, such as the submissive's being obliged to repeat commands that he or she has been given and to confirm them.
Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
Mockery, derision, and ridicule.
Scolding of the type commonly reserved for children.[3]

Physical humiliation
Ejaculating, spitting, and urinating on the submissive's body, especially the face.
Servitude
Forced sexual degradation, including such acts as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, and fellatio.
Detailed accountability and control (micro-management) as to time spent and activities done, including lists of jobs to do, precise directions as to how the job is to be performed, and exactly how to act and behave.
Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as lighting cigarettes, walking a pace behind the dominant, speaking only when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating oneself in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only after others or on the floor, and low-status place to sleep.
Body worship, including such activities as kissing or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva, etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, and even positive emotions (such as happiness and excitement).
Deprivation of privacy, which may include the submissive's never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission.
The dominant watches while the submissive uses the toilet.
The submissive's being forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude, etc.
Discipline (BDSM), including erotic spanking, slapping, whipping, restraint, and other BDSM activities (such as cock-and-ball torture (CBT)).
Dresscode (BDSM): prescriptions and proscriptions of clothing, even in public.
For women, a common example is being mandated to wear only bikinis or lingerie.
For men, forced feminizing and cross-dressing.
Both sexes may be expected to go completely naked, with decorative objects such as collars, diapers, bands, tiaras, and cuffs as the only exceptions.
Erotic sexual denial, including the use of a chastity belt.
Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as collars.[3]
Public humiliation, in which the submissive's friends or family, or strangers, are aware of or even witness the treatment.
Erotic objectification, in which the submissive is used as human furniture, such as a footstool.
Embarrassment.
Forced anal penetration, with dildos, anal plugs, and similar objects.
Cuckolding, a mostly heterosexual fetish in which the dominant woman has sex with a man outside of the relationship while the submissive man may or may not be present. If the man is not present, he might help her choose what clothes to wear when she meets the other man, or they might get together afterward so she can tell him about it, either while having sex or in addition to withholding sex. If the man is present during the cuckolding, he may or may not be allowed to pleasure himself while watching. The cuckolding may or may not be followed by sex between the couple. Another variant of the cuckolding fetish is that a heterosexual couple fantasizes that another man has already impregnated the woman.[4]
The submissive's having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
The submissive's being forced to wear a gag or restraints on the body.
Forced masturbation in a humiliating manner.[5]
Feelings of humiliation are key to many of those engaged in klismaphilia.[3]
Feederism

Some sexual humiliation involves physical inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation, and embarrassment.

Sexual roleplaying can involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because he or she enjoys being mock-forced into it, and the top might emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal, whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of an inner animal or playful spirit.

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BDSM/OnLine Mistress/submissive relationship

There is no "norm" for BDSM relationships, just as there is no norm for relationships in the vanilla world. Basically, your relationship is what you want it to be, and what you make it. There are many, many different possibilities, and part of the excitement of it all is exploring just what is possible. I know of many people who are married, to a spouse who participates in the lifestyle or who does not, and yet also has an on-line relationship. It's also not uncommon for the off-line partner to know of the on-line relationship, and to approve and contribute. As long as everyone is being honest with everyone else, and no one's getting hurt, then anything goes.




There are many people in M/s relationships who don't enjoy or participate in S/m activities. Not all submissives and slaves are masochists. Some -- for instance, some Goreans -- don't like to say that they are part of the BDSM community, because they consider what they do more of an overall whole-life philosophy, rather than a shared recreational activity. But, to my mind, what you call what you do isn't as important as the fact that everyone involved is happy and safe. Oh, and not everyone in our lifestyle wants or needs a sexual relationship. There are many online Dominants out there for you to choose.

Something as basic as brushing your teeth can be considered a BDSM activity, if you do it at the times and in the manner specified by the Mistress/ Master. Or if you do it while wearing a vibrating butt plug. If you're looking for play activities, visit the Deviant's Dictionary, or some other list of things other people do, and see if you can devise a way to carry those over into the on-line spectrum.

And if you know what you want and just want to play kinky online, register free to this site.

Have fun !

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How do I get a Mistress to accept my petition - by Ms. Margo

There are many, many more submissive men than there are Dominant women. I receive 3-5 letters a week from men wanting to be my submissive. What is it about you that would make me want to spend time writing to you, talking to you, or being with you? 
You have to impress a Dominant with what it is that you are and what it is that you want the very first time that you write to her. "The scene" has so many aspects that no two people are guaranteed to be a good match. A good Dominant knows that. She won't waste time on someone who doesn't appear to be suitable to her. You should, at the very least, have thoroughly read her registry to see what she likes and what she doesn't. 
When you write to a Dominant, the letter should be well thought out and reasonably lengthily. I know one Dominant woman who sends out a 20 page questionnaire to prospective submissives, but a half page to a page should be enough. Write a letter, set it aside. Come back to it the next day and re-read it. Think about how you would respond if you received that letter. Be careful about its writing. Spelling and grammar *do* count. Be respectful in your letter. I teach my submissives to write lower case "i" and uppercase "You" - as in, "Mistress, i would very much like to be helpful to You." You don't have to do this, but it's a nice touch. Always remember to capitalize their name and title. Try to find out what title a Dominant prefers - ask around - if in doubt use Ms. or Mistress.
Tell a Dominant as much about yourself as you can. Not that you have blond hair and green eyes, but what your experiences have been and what you would like to experience. As a novice, you may not have had many experiences. So tell the Dominant what inhabits your fantasies. If you dream of being securely bound with silk stockings and beaten with a feather duster, say so. If you long to be dressed as a woman and taken shopping at the K-Mart, let her know. If when you were 7 you loved to be tied up playing Cowboys and Indians, then tell the story. 
Telling someone that you are a "submissive" tells them nothing. You wouldn't be writing to a Dominant woman if you weren't. Think for a moment about what appeals to you - a favorite story, a beloved picture, a treasured fantasy. You heart will lead you in the direction that you would like to explore. Don't worry about what it is that draws you. You are *never* the first person to have been interested in a particular kink. Over time you will want to explore new things. Some things which originally appealed to you may not hold a fascination for you in the future. A good Dominant will be open and accepting; she will not tell you that you're "sick." She also will keep your correspondence private.
Let a Dominant know what you can do for them. Dominant women are not a public utility. You want them to spend their time and effort on you. What can you do for them in return? Your letter should be very clear about the sorts of things that you can do for them. Are you good dinner company? Do you do carpentry? Can you baby-sit her cat? Are you the world's best boot polisher? Are you a leather fetishist who would love to Lexol all her toys? The possibilities are endless. Pick a few things that you're good at *and* that you are willing to do, and put that in your letter. Be sure that you are really willing to it. I have a friend who says, "They always say 'Oh Mistress, I'll do anything for you' until I tell them to clean the catbox."
And lastly, have some discretion. If you pledge your eternal slavery to someone that you have never met, or even chatted with on-line, how would you expect her to react? Let her know why it is that you are writing to *her*: you heard good things about her, you liked her registry, you were impressed with a post she wrote, you saw her at an event and have dreamed of her ever since. Don't try the shotgun approach - writing to every Dominant female in the Western world. Many of the Mistress on-line are friends, and someone who petitions everything that moves will soon get a bad reputation.
 Don't waste your time, and the Dominant's, by writing to someone who isn't into what you are. If she's not into spanking and it's your number one turn-on, then neither of you will get what you want out of the relationship. Also, be clear about your expectations of sex. If you want your scenes to include orgasm, or you're looking to give sexual service, say so. The same holds true if you are not willing to give sexual service, or are not expecting it. Be as honest as you can be. If you have a wife or girlfriend and need to keep your activities private, that's important for your potential Mistress to know.
Lastly, take your "No, thank you's" gracefully. There are a lot of reasons why a Dominant might decline your offer. Remember that she might be looking for someone in the future, or may know another Dominant who is looking for someone, and you would like to be that someone. If you're feeling brave you might politely ask why she said no, so you can write even better petitions in the future. Keep trying, and refining your skills every time you do try. Eventually, you *will* succeed!

Very truly yours, 
Ms. Margo

BDSM Adult Dating Online

Dating is expected to be fun and enjoyable. And, let's face it, not everyone is exactly searching for a young lady or boy to take home to mother, unless of course mother herself is not "traditional". Grownup relationship and personal ads services were designed for those searching for fun and loving relationship. This contains informal sex as well as checking out of dreams and fetishes.
Now, in this day and age, where "hanging out" and "hooking up" are recognized rules, the line as to where "adult dating" has been blurry quite a bit. Indeed, you can anticipate essentially each and every couple to have participating in premarital sex long before the time frame for the wedding, and sometimes the bride's waist states the truth. But this content is not about morality. The point is that adult relationship is not just about informal interactions as these can be found essentially everywhere these days.
However, informal sex is a big part of adult best dating relationship and personal ads in common. Actually, it is what pushes the adult relationship market. After all, the same individuals who search for these kinds of liaisons in cafes and clubs have found a better location in on the internet dating: a much better location.
The first thing you need to do when searching for adult relationship lovers on the internet is to join with a reliable internet relationship website. This is one even more essential than when deciding upon up for other kinds of relationship. Why?
Well, the characteristics of adult personal ads are that they appeal to all kinds of individuals. It is safe to say that "bad" kinds of individuals will be found in grown-up internet relationship website. After all, these are individuals who don't cover the truth that they are... well, bad (you know, by social norms).
See some nice adult sites for dating and also haveing fun. They are safe and have a great reputation.
But please keep in mind that they are not free and they shouldn't be. The persons from this sites are real and verified.

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Rules for an online submissive

Slave training or training a submissive online or in real time sometimes includes written assignments. I have had the privilege of sharing this with quite a few dominants and other submissives. It is a worthy well used tool that not only helps both parties to get to know each other, it also helps the dominant to see where the submissive is on issues that are important, where he or she will need to focus when it comes to training and what issues are panic buttons for the submissive. Written assignments are also used successfully as punishment too.
We need to explore what opportunities there are in this tool. Firstly, we look at written assignments that will help both parties get to know each other. This does not mean that the dominant will do written assignments too, but what he or she chooses to have the submissive do, is a clear indication of their preferences and outlook in life. It will also show how they manage a submissive. How? Well, if a dominant easily gives a lot of written work and does not get back with feedback at all or very rarely, it could mean he or she is only doing this because others' are doing it and he or she wants to seem as if this is something he or she is experienced at. It is also a sign of someone who is not disciplined enough to maintain control over the submissive as it does not take much to acknowledge an email or at least comment on it.

The type of assignments also shows the focus area. If a dominant asks a submissive to detail their needs, wants and desires and is aware of the difference between the three and can explain when asked about it, it means that there is a clear focus on what this dominant might want to include in the training and that he or she is trying to assess if someone will fit with her or him.

A daily journal is almost always asked for. Notice what the dominant focuses on if he or she discusses the journal with you, the submissive. It will tell you a lot about that person. The journal is also not the place to dig for transgressions and then to use that as fodder for punishment. The journal is a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings and events and these should help both parties in the training process. It makes the submissive more mindful to her or his feelings and emotions, and more aware of the effect it has on her or his life. It helps the submissive to overcome the barriers of complete openness that is crucial to a good D/s relationship. Use the journal to grow and learn from mistakes and to identify little habits that the submissive has that could impact the communication process later on.

The submissives needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires will show the dominant where the submissive is in terms of attitude towards service and will show the submissive's leaning towards house chores, attending on the needs of the dominant or sexual service or play. The dominant's response to these assignments will show the submissive whether they agree and whether they are in fact a good match.

When it is an online relationship, added assignments like what the submissive ate and what they did for that day against their list of requirements could help the dominant manage the submissive more appropriately. In this day and age, photos of almost anything can be taken and sent as proof of tasks that had been completed.

One could also demand that the submissive includes an email detailing if they had been disobedient and what the transgression was. This could be added to an ongoing email and punishment can be added to it and exchanged with each transgression. The punishment if it is physical can be banked and held off on until the next time they see each other when this document then serves as the record of what is owed. Any other punishment can be meted out in the document, done and then sent back to the dominant - written punishments will be sent separately and photos of completed tasks that serve as punishments can act as the point where forgiveness is given and the couple can move on.

Written assignments have been used extensively in the past and can be used to control another person's life very effectively. It can also be used to brighten someone's outlook. I have a daily email to do, even now when we are together of 5 things I am grateful for and 5 things I did well today. I get to count my blessings and praise my own efforts with these assignments. It helps me grow as a person and has changed the way I view life. I am a firm believer of this type of training and I know that if it used well, it could others grow as much as I have.

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Se also other related posts:
Financial Domination
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Submission - by GODDESS Manuela