Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Why Can't You Find a BDSM Submissive?

By Mel Davey

You've seen the websites. You've read the books. And you've signed up for an account at, or, or Collarme, or one of the other dozens of BDSM sites.

And no-one's returning your calls. There are, allegedly, thousands of kinky submissive women in your area, but can you get to talk to any of them? Can you? Hell.

A lot of people end up having an experience like this when they try to turn their fantasies into reality. Sadly, it's all too easy to get your kinky online profile or messages wrong, and if you do, you'll get nothing but a sinking feeling. Simple mistakes can have a huge effect on your chances of ever getting in contact with the right woman - sadly, online it's all too easy to make the wrong impression.

1. Are you on a paid site? Depressing but true - your chances are far higher on a paid site. Free sites encourage very, very casual users, abandoned profiles, and a variety of dubious business practises. If you join a paid site (like, although there are plenty of other options) and actually pay to contact other people, you shrink the odds against you, because most other male Doms aren't willing to put in the effort. Pay that $15 a month and you shrink the odds against you from 100 to 1 to more like 2 to 1 or even lower.

2. Is your profile vague? It's a very common mistake to attempt to appeal to as many submissive women - or even just women, period - as possible. Don't do it. Be clear if you're a Dom or a sub, for starters - even if you're flexible, take a clear stand in your profile for the one you'd prefer right now. And be clear in what you want and what you're looking for. You might think that you're leaving the gates open for a wider audience, but in truth, if you're not sure what you want, most female submissives will assume you're a wannabe.

3. Do you have action pictures or testimonials? The biggest problem you'll have to face on a BDSM dating site is showing that you're actually serious and actually know what you're doing. The best weapons in your arsenal for doing that are testimonials from other women (yes, really) saying that you're a good Dom, and pictures showing you in action. If you haven't got either of those, there are a variety of strategies to get them - more than I can get into here. A couple of ideas - consider joining rope bondage workshops or similar to get experience and - with your model's permission - photos, or chatting on your chosen dating sites to get testimonials from female members even if they're not in your area.

4. Does your headline stand out? For most women browsing the site or reading your messages, all they'll ever see of you is the first sentence of your profile. If you've gone for anything that doesn't immediately grab the eye, you're in trouble. Think hard about what you're doing, and read other male profiles to see what phrases are overused. Humour works very well, as does (yes, again) being very, very specific in what it is you're looking for, or what you're offering.

Fix your profile's problems, and you'll soon start to find you have options for a great deal of kinky fun. It's actually surprisingly easy to meet women who want to have the kind of fun you want to have - you just have to overcome initial worries and fears, and get on with the business of both of you having a great deal of kinky sex!

Some very safe websites are linked below. 
CamContacts - Fetish / Dungeon 
All Cams - Fetish / Dungeon 
WebCamLife - Fetish / Dungeon 
CamSexNow - Fetish / Dungeon 
CamContact - Fetisch / Dominas - German speakers
CamContactos - Fetichismo / Sadomasoquismo - Spanish speakers

Have fun and feel free to write me anytime! 

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Can Online BDSM Training Work? - By lunaKM

The world of online Dominance and submission is riddled with skepticism and disbelief that anyone can really live and enjoy a relationship online. The fact of it all is that there are an endless numbers of people experiencing a form of D/s called cyber D/s. Whether it be because they can not live it in real time due to partners that don’t understand, or they are exploring their sexuality safely a cyber relationship with a D/s feel is developed.

With being a cyber submissive comes online training. When I was an online submissive it was facilitated with a web cam and microphone for conversation and a long list of chat rooms that I would frequent. In these rooms I would participate in ritualized role play from serving drinks from an imaginary and well stocked bar to pole-dancing and playing in a fully stocked dungeon. Anything I wanted ‘experience’ was available to me.

But that wasn’t my main goal. I wanted a taste for what being a submissive was like. I longed for rules, and things to do that would keep me on task and I was even curious about discipline. I had an online Dominant that structured rules for me and set up daily tasks I had to do. At first they were mostly sexual in nature and I didn’t have a problem with that. Then they branched into maintaining my home, setting up a journal, emailing them everyday. My current Master and I started out online due to the distance between us. He set up personal grooming rules that I keep to this day.

The Dominant I was with in the beginning had me reading and studying a lot of different websites about different D/s and BDSM things. I was then to report back to him with what I learned as well as questions I had for him to answer. It was a great experience that he was so invested in my learning. While he wasn’t much for rules, he was a great mentor that I am very thankful for having in my life at one point.

The only way that training will work for a submissive is only if they do it. You have to hold a lot to the honor system. So it’s safe to assume that some people just pretend they did it and those people really aren’t in it like I was. There are submissives that will obey you and do all you request of them without needing proof that it was accomplished. For me, online D/s was the starting point for my learning.

Yes, online training can work if you both are honest with each other and trust that you will only get out of it what you put in. It goes without saying that the submissive who pretends to follow the rules will not get as much out of it and may hop from one online Dom to another while those that learn and grow honestly will develop deeper relationships and learning. Maybe one day moving to real time submission.


Se also other related posts:
Financial Domination
On-line Domination
Addicted to Financial Domination?
BDSM slave session

Safe websites
CamContacts - Fetish / Dungeon
All Cams - Fetish / Dungeon
WebCamLife - Fetish / Dungeon
CamSexNow - Fetish / Dungeon
CamContact - Fetisch / Dominas - German speakers
CamContactos - Fetichismo / Sadomasoquismo - Spanish speakers


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Humiliation.....whould you like some?

Verbal humiliation
Animal play—describing the submissive as a pet, dog, girl, or bitch; making the submissive eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
Verbal belittlement, with such words as slave, boy, girl, missy, and pet.
Insults and verbal abuse, such as fat, ugly, stupid, and worthless.
Degrading names, such as slut, shit, bitch, and whore.
Racial and ethnic slurs.
Slighting of body parts and behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia (including size), buttocks, and slighting of such mannerisms as walking, responsiveness, and standard of self-care.
Requirement to ask permission for everyday activities, such as going to the toilet, spending money, and eating.
Small-breasts humiliation, in which scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the woman's breasts or her inability to please a lover, and her breasts become objects of derision.
Small-penis humiliation, in which scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the man's genitals or his inability to please a lover, and his penis becomes an object of derision.
Forced repetition, such as the submissive's being obliged to repeat commands that he or she has been given and to confirm them.
Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
Mockery, derision, and ridicule.
Scolding of the type commonly reserved for children.[3]

Physical humiliation
Ejaculating, spitting, and urinating on the submissive's body, especially the face.
Forced sexual degradation, including such acts as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, and fellatio.
Detailed accountability and control (micro-management) as to time spent and activities done, including lists of jobs to do, precise directions as to how the job is to be performed, and exactly how to act and behave.
Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as lighting cigarettes, walking a pace behind the dominant, speaking only when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating oneself in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only after others or on the floor, and low-status place to sleep.
Body worship, including such activities as kissing or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva, etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, and even positive emotions (such as happiness and excitement).
Deprivation of privacy, which may include the submissive's never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission.
The dominant watches while the submissive uses the toilet.
The submissive's being forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude, etc.
Discipline (BDSM), including erotic spanking, slapping, whipping, restraint, and other BDSM activities (such as cock-and-ball torture (CBT)).
Dresscode (BDSM): prescriptions and proscriptions of clothing, even in public.
For women, a common example is being mandated to wear only bikinis or lingerie.
For men, forced feminizing and cross-dressing.
Both sexes may be expected to go completely naked, with decorative objects such as collars, diapers, bands, tiaras, and cuffs as the only exceptions.
Erotic sexual denial, including the use of a chastity belt.
Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as collars.[3]
Public humiliation, in which the submissive's friends or family, or strangers, are aware of or even witness the treatment.
Erotic objectification, in which the submissive is used as human furniture, such as a footstool.
Forced anal penetration, with dildos, anal plugs, and similar objects.
Cuckolding, a mostly heterosexual fetish in which the dominant woman has sex with a man outside of the relationship while the submissive man may or may not be present. If the man is not present, he might help her choose what clothes to wear when she meets the other man, or they might get together afterward so she can tell him about it, either while having sex or in addition to withholding sex. If the man is present during the cuckolding, he may or may not be allowed to pleasure himself while watching. The cuckolding may or may not be followed by sex between the couple. Another variant of the cuckolding fetish is that a heterosexual couple fantasizes that another man has already impregnated the woman.[4]
The submissive's having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
The submissive's being forced to wear a gag or restraints on the body.
Forced masturbation in a humiliating manner.[5]
Feelings of humiliation are key to many of those engaged in klismaphilia.[3]

Some sexual humiliation involves physical inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation, and embarrassment.

Sexual roleplaying can involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because he or she enjoys being mock-forced into it, and the top might emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal, whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of an inner animal or playful spirit.

Would you like some?

Register Here