Saturday, July 28, 2012

BDSM/OnLine Mistress/submissive relationship

There is no "norm" for BDSM relationships, just as there is no norm for relationships in the vanilla world. Basically, your relationship is what you want it to be, and what you make it. There are many, many different possibilities, and part of the excitement of it all is exploring just what is possible. I know of many people who are married, to a spouse who participates in the lifestyle or who does not, and yet also has an on-line relationship. It's also not uncommon for the off-line partner to know of the on-line relationship, and to approve and contribute. As long as everyone is being honest with everyone else, and no one's getting hurt, then anything goes.

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There are many people in M/s relationships who don't enjoy or participate in S/m activities. Not all submissives and slaves are masochists. Some -- for instance, some Goreans -- don't like to say that they are part of the BDSM community, because they consider what they do more of an overall whole-life philosophy, rather than a shared recreational activity. But, to my mind, what you call what you do isn't as important as the fact that everyone involved is happy and safe. Oh, and not everyone in our lifestyle wants or needs a sexual relationship. There are many online Dominants out there for you to choose.

Something as basic as brushing your teeth can be considered a BDSM activity, if you do it at the times and in the manner specified by the Mistress/ Master. Or if you do it while wearing a vibrating butt plug. If you're looking for play activities, visit the Deviant's Dictionary, or some other list of things other people do, and see if you can devise a way to carry those over into the on-line spectrum.

And if you know what you want and just want to play kinky online, register free to this site.

Have fun !


Thursday, July 19, 2012

How do I get a Mistress to accept my petition - by Ms. Margo

There are many, many more submissive men than there are Dominant women. I receive 3-5 letters a week from men wanting to be my submissive. What is it about you that would make me want to spend time writing to you, talking to you, or being with you? 
You have to impress a Dominant with what it is that you are and what it is that you want the very first time that you write to her. "The scene" has so many aspects that no two people are guaranteed to be a good match. A good Dominant knows that. She won't waste time on someone who doesn't appear to be suitable to her. You should, at the very least, have thoroughly read her registry to see what she likes and what she doesn't. 
When you write to a Dominant, the letter should be well thought out and reasonably lengthily. I know one Dominant woman who sends out a 20 page questionnaire to prospective submissives, but a half page to a page should be enough. Write a letter, set it aside. Come back to it the next day and re-read it. Think about how you would respond if you received that letter. Be careful about its writing. Spelling and grammar *do* count. Be respectful in your letter. I teach my submissives to write lower case "i" and uppercase "You" - as in, "Mistress, i would very much like to be helpful to You." You don't have to do this, but it's a nice touch. Always remember to capitalize their name and title. Try to find out what title a Dominant prefers - ask around - if in doubt use Ms. or Mistress.
Tell a Dominant as much about yourself as you can. Not that you have blond hair and green eyes, but what your experiences have been and what you would like to experience. As a novice, you may not have had many experiences. So tell the Dominant what inhabits your fantasies. If you dream of being securely bound with silk stockings and beaten with a feather duster, say so. If you long to be dressed as a woman and taken shopping at the K-Mart, let her know. If when you were 7 you loved to be tied up playing Cowboys and Indians, then tell the story. 
Telling someone that you are a "submissive" tells them nothing. You wouldn't be writing to a Dominant woman if you weren't. Think for a moment about what appeals to you - a favorite story, a beloved picture, a treasured fantasy. You heart will lead you in the direction that you would like to explore. Don't worry about what it is that draws you. You are *never* the first person to have been interested in a particular kink. Over time you will want to explore new things. Some things which originally appealed to you may not hold a fascination for you in the future. A good Dominant will be open and accepting; she will not tell you that you're "sick." She also will keep your correspondence private.
Let a Dominant know what you can do for them. Dominant women are not a public utility. You want them to spend their time and effort on you. What can you do for them in return? Your letter should be very clear about the sorts of things that you can do for them. Are you good dinner company? Do you do carpentry? Can you baby-sit her cat? Are you the world's best boot polisher? Are you a leather fetishist who would love to Lexol all her toys? The possibilities are endless. Pick a few things that you're good at *and* that you are willing to do, and put that in your letter. Be sure that you are really willing to it. I have a friend who says, "They always say 'Oh Mistress, I'll do anything for you' until I tell them to clean the catbox."
And lastly, have some discretion. If you pledge your eternal slavery to someone that you have never met, or even chatted with on-line, how would you expect her to react? Let her know why it is that you are writing to *her*: you heard good things about her, you liked her registry, you were impressed with a post she wrote, you saw her at an event and have dreamed of her ever since. Don't try the shotgun approach - writing to every Dominant female in the Western world. Many of the Mistress on-line are friends, and someone who petitions everything that moves will soon get a bad reputation.
 Don't waste your time, and the Dominant's, by writing to someone who isn't into what you are. If she's not into spanking and it's your number one turn-on, then neither of you will get what you want out of the relationship. Also, be clear about your expectations of sex. If you want your scenes to include orgasm, or you're looking to give sexual service, say so. The same holds true if you are not willing to give sexual service, or are not expecting it. Be as honest as you can be. If you have a wife or girlfriend and need to keep your activities private, that's important for your potential Mistress to know.
Lastly, take your "No, thank you's" gracefully. There are a lot of reasons why a Dominant might decline your offer. Remember that she might be looking for someone in the future, or may know another Dominant who is looking for someone, and you would like to be that someone. If you're feeling brave you might politely ask why she said no, so you can write even better petitions in the future. Keep trying, and refining your skills every time you do try. Eventually, you *will* succeed!

Very truly yours, 
Ms. Margo

Friday, July 13, 2012

BDSM Adult Dating Online

Dating is expected to be fun and enjoyable. And, let's face it, not everyone is exactly searching for a young lady or boy to take home to mother, unless of course mother herself is not "traditional". Grownup relationship and personal ads services were designed for those searching for fun and loving relationship. This contains informal sex as well as checking out of dreams and fetishes.
Now, in this day and age, where "hanging out" and "hooking up" are recognized rules, the line as to where "adult dating" has been blurry quite a bit. Indeed, you can anticipate essentially each and every couple to have participating in premarital sex long before the time frame for the wedding, and sometimes the bride's waist states the truth. But this content is not about morality. The point is that adult relationship is not just about informal interactions as these can be found essentially everywhere these days.
However, informal sex is a big part of adult best dating relationship and personal ads in common. Actually, it is what pushes the adult relationship market. After all, the same individuals who search for these kinds of liaisons in cafes and clubs have found a better location in on the internet dating: a much better location.
The first thing you need to do when searching for adult relationship lovers on the internet is to join with a reliable internet relationship website. This is one even more essential than when deciding upon up for other kinds of relationship. Why?
Well, the characteristics of adult personal ads are that they appeal to all kinds of individuals. It is safe to say that "bad" kinds of individuals will be found in grown-up internet relationship website. After all, these are individuals who don't cover the truth that they are... well, bad (you know, by social norms).
See some nice adult sites for dating and also haveing fun. They are safe and have a great reputation.
But please keep in mind that they are not free and they shouldn't be. The persons from this sites are real and verified.

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Thursday, July 12, 2012

Rules for an online submissive

Slave training or training a submissive online or in real time sometimes includes written assignments. I have had the privilege of sharing this with quite a few dominants and other submissives. It is a worthy well used tool that not only helps both parties to get to know each other, it also helps the dominant to see where the submissive is on issues that are important, where he or she will need to focus when it comes to training and what issues are panic buttons for the submissive. Written assignments are also used successfully as punishment too.
We need to explore what opportunities there are in this tool. Firstly, we look at written assignments that will help both parties get to know each other. This does not mean that the dominant will do written assignments too, but what he or she chooses to have the submissive do, is a clear indication of their preferences and outlook in life. It will also show how they manage a submissive. How? Well, if a dominant easily gives a lot of written work and does not get back with feedback at all or very rarely, it could mean he or she is only doing this because others' are doing it and he or she wants to seem as if this is something he or she is experienced at. It is also a sign of someone who is not disciplined enough to maintain control over the submissive as it does not take much to acknowledge an email or at least comment on it.

The type of assignments also shows the focus area. If a dominant asks a submissive to detail their needs, wants and desires and is aware of the difference between the three and can explain when asked about it, it means that there is a clear focus on what this dominant might want to include in the training and that he or she is trying to assess if someone will fit with her or him.

A daily journal is almost always asked for. Notice what the dominant focuses on if he or she discusses the journal with you, the submissive. It will tell you a lot about that person. The journal is also not the place to dig for transgressions and then to use that as fodder for punishment. The journal is a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings and events and these should help both parties in the training process. It makes the submissive more mindful to her or his feelings and emotions, and more aware of the effect it has on her or his life. It helps the submissive to overcome the barriers of complete openness that is crucial to a good D/s relationship. Use the journal to grow and learn from mistakes and to identify little habits that the submissive has that could impact the communication process later on.

The submissives needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires will show the dominant where the submissive is in terms of attitude towards service and will show the submissive's leaning towards house chores, attending on the needs of the dominant or sexual service or play. The dominant's response to these assignments will show the submissive whether they agree and whether they are in fact a good match.

When it is an online relationship, added assignments like what the submissive ate and what they did for that day against their list of requirements could help the dominant manage the submissive more appropriately. In this day and age, photos of almost anything can be taken and sent as proof of tasks that had been completed.

One could also demand that the submissive includes an email detailing if they had been disobedient and what the transgression was. This could be added to an ongoing email and punishment can be added to it and exchanged with each transgression. The punishment if it is physical can be banked and held off on until the next time they see each other when this document then serves as the record of what is owed. Any other punishment can be meted out in the document, done and then sent back to the dominant - written punishments will be sent separately and photos of completed tasks that serve as punishments can act as the point where forgiveness is given and the couple can move on.

Written assignments have been used extensively in the past and can be used to control another person's life very effectively. It can also be used to brighten someone's outlook. I have a daily email to do, even now when we are together of 5 things I am grateful for and 5 things I did well today. I get to count my blessings and praise my own efforts with these assignments. It helps me grow as a person and has changed the way I view life. I am a firm believer of this type of training and I know that if it used well, it could others grow as much as I have.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Hardcore Bondage - II

Then he walked around the door and I felt the ropes tighten, pulling my wrists up until my body was fairly taut. He wound one rope around the doorknob on the bedroom side and knotted it, then looped the other around the center hinge on the other edge of the door and knotted it also. 'Brilliant!' my rational mind whispered triumphantly.
 'What did I tell you about creativity?' Robert came back around the door and looked over his handiwork, then said, "Bend your knees. Let your arms take your weight." I did so, and the ropes stretched a bit, but I didn't move downward very far at all. "Good," he said approvingly.
 "You can stand up now. I wanted you to know that you can let yourself go without worrying about falling and hurting yourself." I smiled inside at his phrasing, because I knew he intended to hurt me himself. Yet his demonstration of my safety was reassuring; once again he had given me every reason to trust him. 

"Thank you, Master, for letting me know that," I told him.
Click Here to Meet Beautiful Girls LIVE on WEBCAMS!He smiled and said, "Just hang out there for a moment while I get some things." This time I smiled outwardly at his play on words, and he chuckled as he walked back across the living room to his case on the floor. He returned carrying two unusual-looking clamps, and my eyes widened in recognition. He had sent me a message once in which he told me that the clamps he had described in a particular chapter of his story were real. 
Now he had proven his statement. He said, "You recognize these, don't you?" "Yes, Master, You told me to read about them, and I did." "Very good," he told me. "Now you can learn about them for real." He manipulated the shaft on one of them, and, just as he had described in his story, what appeared to be solid metal was really a series of disks held together magnetically. He removed several of the disks, then held the clamp out sideways and brought it to my right nipple.
I saw the set-screw that could keep the clamp from fully closing, but it appeared to be all the way out, and I shivered at the thought of how that clamp was going to feel. He slowly allowed the clamp to close at the base of my nipple, watching me carefully to gauge my reaction.
When I groaned and winced at the pain, he stopped the clamp and twisted the set-screw to hold it in that position. When he let go of the clamp, though, it swung down, pulled by gravity, again just as he had written, and it twisted my nipple a quarter-turn as it did so. I gasped again at this additional pain, but he merely repeated the procedure with the second clamp on my other nipple. 
This time the twist was in the opposite direction, but the result was the same. "How do you feel?" he asked me. I had to think about that for a moment. My nipples hurt, that was a given, but I felt wetter than ever and my clit was becoming more insistent about needing attention. "I think my body is confused," I finally answered. "They hurt, but I'm really horny too." He reached up and let one of the disks he had removed snap onto each of the clamps, and the added weight, though slight, was enough to make me groan again. "That's confused, Master," he corrected mildly. "Yes, Master, of course, I'm very sorry," I babbled. 
He reached down with one hand and stroked up my pussy slit, and without thinking I thrust my pelvis forward so his finger bumped my stiff clit. "Aaahhhhh," I moaned as the tingle in my groin intensified with the contact. "Naughty, naughty," he chided, and snapped another weight onto each clamp.
He alternated sliding his finger up my slit and over my clit with adding more weights to the clamps, and I alternately moaned and groaned as he did so. By the time he got all the weights attached I was writhing in frustration. My body really was confused, with the butt plug, the clamps, and my clit all sending conflicting messages, but I was so close to cumming I could taste it, and I was sure it would be an orgasm of monumental proportions if he would only let me go over the top.

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My last shreds of dignity went by the wayside, and I begged shamelessly for release. He stood there and let me run my mouth, and when I finally realized he wasn't going to respond to my pleading I quieted myself and hung my head in submissive frustration. Then he said, very quietly, "You seem to have forgotten why you are here, so I will remind you. You are here for my pleasure, not yours, and you must learn to be less selfish. Turn around and face the door." Oh oh, I thought, now what? I got the answer soon enough, when he swung his arm back and I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the tails of a cat heading for my ass. 
The heat from his earlier spanking had all but disappeared, but even though I somehow knew he wasn't swinging full f***e, the sharp stings of the cat landing across my butt made me cry out briefly. "Do you have something to say?" he asked me, and I knew he was asking if I wanted to safe word out of this predicament. 
I hesitated, mulling it over, and decided not to, not yet.
"No, Master," I whispered. His reply was another swing of the cat, and this time I bit my lip and kept quiet.

Hardcore Bondage - I

Robert unhooked my wrists, then sat comfortably on the couch and smoked a leisurely cigarette while I sat in front of him on the armchair with a towel under me and removed the rubber bands from my breasts. He had sent me into the bathroom to get the towel, and it was a good thing he had. I had never before gotten so much stimulation from touching myself, and my juices were flowing freely. When I finished, he told me to stand up and move to the center of the room. He reconnected my wrists behind my back and then reached into his case and held something up for me to see.

"I assume you know what this is," he said lightly.

Did I ever! It was a butt plug, a big one; what it gave up in length it more than made up for in thickness. It was only about five inches long, but from the rounded end it grew to about two inches in diameter right before the narrow neck leading to the T-shaped base. That Robert would have a toy like that with him was absolutely no surprise. I had told him in one e-mail that I had a plug up my butt while reading his story and intended to keep it in me all night, and in another message I had asked him about dilators and anal fisting.

You wanted intense, I said to myself, well, now you'll have it! He reached into the case again and brought out a tube labeled AnalEse.

"This is a water-soluble lubricant," he told me, "especially made for this purpose. It also contains a very mild anesthetic. Now bend over and grab your ankles." I did so, but slowly; that plug was quite a bit bigger than anything I'd used before, and I was a little worried about whether I could take it. Robert lubed both the plug and his middle finger, set the plug down, and very lightly touched his fingertip to my anal pucker.

I made a special effort to relax; I knew his finger wouldn't be any problem. He waited patiently until he felt the opening ease a bit, then thrust his finger into me abruptly. I gasped, but he held me steady with his other hand and I relaxed again as he worked his finger around inside me. I felt the familiar pleasant sensation of fullness, and I was disappointed when he pulled his finger out. But he immediately picked up the plug and placed it at the point of attack, so all I could do was try again to relax and accept it. He started a firm, steady pressure, and the plug slowly slid up my ass. I could feel myself stretching, but nothing came close to tearing and in just a few seconds it was firmly seated. My sphincter closed around its neck, and I knew the plug wouldn't come out without being pulled. If I had felt full before, the fat plug produced a much more stronger sensation. I sighed softly, then straightened up at his direction. "I'm going to string you up by your wrists now," Robert told me matter-of-factly.

I looked around the room and wondered how that was possible. I had as much as told him this was one of my favorite fantasies, but I had put it out of my mind as soon as I knew we would be playing in a hotel. There were no ceiling hooks he could use, or anything else that I could see. I followed along as he took me by the arm and led me to the doorway between the living room and the bedroom. When we got there, I saw that he had used two door-stops to hold the door in position halfway open. He unhooked my wrists, repositioned them in front of me with the palms together, and rehooked them. Then he stood me with my back to the door, facing into the living room, and told me to raise my arms up over my head. I did so, still mystified, and I heard two distinct clicks as he attached a pair of double-ended snap bolts to the link holding my wrists together. Each snap bolt had a length of rope attached, and he threw the ropes over the top of the door behind me.