Thursday, July 12, 2012

Rules for an online submissive

Slave training or training a submissive online or in real time sometimes includes written assignments. I have had the privilege of sharing this with quite a few dominants and other submissives. It is a worthy well used tool that not only helps both parties to get to know each other, it also helps the dominant to see where the submissive is on issues that are important, where he or she will need to focus when it comes to training and what issues are panic buttons for the submissive. Written assignments are also used successfully as punishment too.
We need to explore what opportunities there are in this tool. Firstly, we look at written assignments that will help both parties get to know each other. This does not mean that the dominant will do written assignments too, but what he or she chooses to have the submissive do, is a clear indication of their preferences and outlook in life. It will also show how they manage a submissive. How? Well, if a dominant easily gives a lot of written work and does not get back with feedback at all or very rarely, it could mean he or she is only doing this because others' are doing it and he or she wants to seem as if this is something he or she is experienced at. It is also a sign of someone who is not disciplined enough to maintain control over the submissive as it does not take much to acknowledge an email or at least comment on it.

The type of assignments also shows the focus area. If a dominant asks a submissive to detail their needs, wants and desires and is aware of the difference between the three and can explain when asked about it, it means that there is a clear focus on what this dominant might want to include in the training and that he or she is trying to assess if someone will fit with her or him.

A daily journal is almost always asked for. Notice what the dominant focuses on if he or she discusses the journal with you, the submissive. It will tell you a lot about that person. The journal is also not the place to dig for transgressions and then to use that as fodder for punishment. The journal is a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings and events and these should help both parties in the training process. It makes the submissive more mindful to her or his feelings and emotions, and more aware of the effect it has on her or his life. It helps the submissive to overcome the barriers of complete openness that is crucial to a good D/s relationship. Use the journal to grow and learn from mistakes and to identify little habits that the submissive has that could impact the communication process later on.

The submissives needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires will show the dominant where the submissive is in terms of attitude towards service and will show the submissive's leaning towards house chores, attending on the needs of the dominant or sexual service or play. The dominant's response to these assignments will show the submissive whether they agree and whether they are in fact a good match.

When it is an online relationship, added assignments like what the submissive ate and what they did for that day against their list of requirements could help the dominant manage the submissive more appropriately. In this day and age, photos of almost anything can be taken and sent as proof of tasks that had been completed.

One could also demand that the submissive includes an email detailing if they had been disobedient and what the transgression was. This could be added to an ongoing email and punishment can be added to it and exchanged with each transgression. The punishment if it is physical can be banked and held off on until the next time they see each other when this document then serves as the record of what is owed. Any other punishment can be meted out in the document, done and then sent back to the dominant - written punishments will be sent separately and photos of completed tasks that serve as punishments can act as the point where forgiveness is given and the couple can move on.

Written assignments have been used extensively in the past and can be used to control another person's life very effectively. It can also be used to brighten someone's outlook. I have a daily email to do, even now when we are together of 5 things I am grateful for and 5 things I did well today. I get to count my blessings and praise my own efforts with these assignments. It helps me grow as a person and has changed the way I view life. I am a firm believer of this type of training and I know that if it used well, it could others grow as much as I have.

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